The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga Book Review — Chinasa Ike
The Courage to Be Disliked takes the form of a dialogue between a philosopher and a youth. Together, they break down different parts of Adlerian psychology, such as “people fabricate anger “, “trauma does not exist” and “all problems are interpersonal relationship problems”
There were certain facets of the dialogue that instinctively resonated with me. I loved the section about the division of tasks, for example. (One of the reasons we get into interpersonal problems is because we try to do other people’s tasks for them or try to get other people to do our tasks) In life, we all have our own ‘tasks’ e.g. as a wife, a worker, a friend, a daughter. Within those tasks are set expectations. You should only focus on your tasks, and should never meddle in someone else’s. While you can encourage someone (e.g. teaching your child the importance of studying) you shouldn’t make anyone do anything (e.g. forcing your child to study).
Another section of the book that got to me was “trauma does not exist”. A major part of Freudian psychology is ‘trauma.’ It professes that most of our personality takes deep root in our psyche at an early age. Hence, terrible experiences at a young age could cause difficulties later on In life. Subsequently, Freud assumed most of our adult lives is spent trying to battle and subdue negative experiences from the past.
According to Adler, this isn’t true. While he agreed that we form a style of life early on, he didn’t believe this was a fixed point of our personality. Adler defended the idea that we can change who we are in any given moment.
Even if you could trace all your flaws back to two or three instances in your childhood, so what? You can only change them now, in the present. What’s done is done. You have to believe that something different can happen to break old patterns. And you can choose that new outlook at any time, so why not choose it right now?
The Courage to Be Disliked will help you navigate your way through the concepts of self-forgiveness, self-love, and letting go of baggage. It changes your way of thinking, allowing you to develop the courage to change and ignore the limitations that you might have placed on yourself.
This book is a good read for everyone, it’s perfect for someone open to learning about different lenses to look through life, and being able to take steps into becoming who they want to be.
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